Lost – Part 3

I like to consider myself as a friendly person who doesn’t make too many instant judgements, but I was finding that for the first time, that when I met a women ( in the age range that I thought of as Girlfriend possible ) I was always considering them in a sexual way first.  I knew it was wrong, and I never acted on what I was thinking.  But a pressure was building inside me.

Life goes on, and so all the interviews that I had had lined up were complete.  In the few weeks since the bank interview, there had only been one interview that I felt went really well, but it was also a job I knew I wasn’t going to get, as the key responsibilities just didn’t fit with what I was able to do.

Knowing this didn’t help as yes I got that phone call confirming this was yet another job that wasn’t mine.  I was ready to quit, and ashamed for failing my family and everyone who had supported me.  I decided that tomorrow I would admit that I was done job hunting.  It was time to accept my fate …..  I went straight to bed with a heavy heart.

The next morning my Auntie woke me,  saying I had a phone call.

It was Brian, the IT manager who I had met at the last interview that I felt had gone well.  His question was simple, are you still looking for work?  With a small spark of hope my answer was Yes.  He then went on to tell me that aside from the position I had applied for, they had been looking for someone with at least two years of Novell Experience for some time and had no suitable candidates.  Would I consider joining them as a Trainee, on a three month trial.  My instant answer was yes.

Then came the catch, we need you to start in a week!

I don’t really remember much of the week after hanging up the phone.  But I do know that it was a blind panic with a lot of people helping me to make the move happen.  Some how we did it and I was able to make my First Day.

For the first couple of months I was focused on my new job, in a new city.  Things were keeping me busy and I was mentally tired in a way that I hadn’t really felt before.  But I also realised when I wasn’t working I was alone a lot more than I was used to.  Don’t get me wrong I had a number of friends who had moved to Auckland before me, and we were often together.  But just like me they had new jobs, so during the week I was normally coming home to an empty room.

This room also happened to be in a Rehab Facility, as it was the only place I could find with a bathroom that would actually work for me at such  short notice.  If I followed the  main route from where I was living to work then depending of the time of day the drive could take me an hour and a half.  Thankfully once I was more familiar with the area I reduced this to a pretty reliable twenty minutes.  But without even really realising I just started working long and longer hours, why would I want to go home?  ….  My room definitely didn’t feel like a home should.

When I was mentally tired and feeling lonely that pressure I mentioned earlier would feel so much stronger.  Then one day at work I almost said something completely inappropriate, and  I realised that I was considering someone in a sexual way, whom I never would have considered in that way before.  Something had to change, I had to “Fix” this.

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